Am I willing to see God?
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." Jesus, Matthew 5
As I have a hard time seeing God in different areas or circumstances of my life, I think of Jesus' third beatitude (above). It leads me to think that my difficulty in finding God has something to do with my being impure...which is a heavily loaded word for a guy who grew up in church.
As a kid, purity was nothing more than the absence of things (sex, drugs, rock n roll, et cetera), but God is very rarely (if ever) interested in absence. The Christian Life is about Presence. After all, "that we may have life and life more abundantly," was the purpose of Jesus' life. So, my adolescent understanding of purity was incomplete then, to say the least.
Soren Kierkegaard said, "Purity of heart is too will one thing." That's an incredibly helpful statement. It raises the question: Are my motives to see God pure?
Do I want to see God for something other than God? Maybe for my own sake? For the solution to my circumstances? My peace of mind? My self-confidence? My sense of importance? Those aren't evil or bad things, but they do complicate and multiply motivations. It is a goal of mine to simplify myself. To come down to such simplicity that I might fit through "the narrow door." In the words of Mother Teresa, "All for Jesus. All for Jesus. All for Jesus."
So, where is it difficult to see God? What is it that I am willing (wanting) to see?